Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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