So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just had sex on a roof
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
