haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
