Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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