I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
