Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
