dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
