Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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