Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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