wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's just like the Real World with babies
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
