Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
