i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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