I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
