Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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