no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
