At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
