I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
