Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it's like iHOP with fire
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
