WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
