Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
