im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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