So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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