my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
