dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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