That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
