At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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