I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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