You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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