We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
