At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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