so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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