I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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