I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
