you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
