Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
