Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
