What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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