I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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