the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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