brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
if you like me you must not know who I am
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
