none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
