why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
