My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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