the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
