Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
