So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
