I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
