So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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