The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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