Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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