My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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