I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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